In a bad place . . . .

Well, here we go again. Just when I thought I was doing better, I'm in the bad place . . . the dark side . . . the side where I can't decide if it's worth going on . . . I don't know why I can't let things go, but I just can't. Some things are unforgiveable and unforgettable, and every time one of "them" comes up, it sends to me to the dark place. I don't give a flying fuck that Jim's "little" brother is getting married. I don't understand why Jim feels it necessary to go meet this poor girl that is marrying a fucking moron. Maybe once she meets the MIL to be from hell, she'll change her mind. I don't know why I get so upset. I don't know a lot of things. But I'm broken, shattered, helpless that he wants to go and be a part of "it." Fuck them. I AM HURTING. STILL. AFTER 5 FUCKING YEARS. Is it fair for me to want him to break all ties with his family? No. But that's what I want. Am I thinking maybe it would be better to break ties with Jim after all this time to avoid the pain? Yes. Am I thinking clearly? No. Fuck. All I know is I'm tired of riding this nightmare roller coaster . . . will someone please let me off? Please? I'm begging you . . . .